A New Paradigm of Family Ministry

In our most recent posts, we’ve been exploring the failures of traditional children’s and youth ministry and discussing what a more Biblical pattern might look like. If we are to truly embrace a more bold and effective template for youth ministry, we must first recognize that parents, not youth ministers, should be the primary spiritual mentors for their children. The church must also realize that its ministries should be divided among family lines rather than age demographics. Further, a truly successful youth ministry must involve the equipping of parents to fulfill the mentorship role for their children.

As previously discussed, it’s clear that “just add water” youth events and whimsical play areas do little to impact our children’s long term spiritual growth. Rather, the spiritual growth of our children always begins in the home. With this in mind, former youth pastor Ray Baumann once made a startling statement: “Youth ministries would be unnecessary if the believers took their mandate to parent seriously.” He goes on to say, “the last place I want my kids to hear about Jesus is on Sunday.” The most important life lessons that children need to learn are impressed upon children by their parents “along the road”, imparted to them in the context of daily living and through a loving mentoring relationship (Deut. 6:7). This is consistent even with the teachings of Jesus, who conducted some of his most meaningful discussions with his disciples between events, “along the road” to their destinations. Research among adolescents confirms these ideas: studies show that the more often families eat together, the better their moral, spiritual, and academic outcomes. How ironic that family meal time together, a far better indicator of our children’s spiritual outcomes, can often be pushed aside by social events at the church! Rather than busying our children with a myriad of church programs, sports, or other extracurricular activities, perhaps our children’s long term spiritual vitality would improve if we as parents simply spent more time with our children and took seriously our mandate to instruct them in God’s ways.

It is beyond dispute that no one can raise our children “in the nuture and admonition of the Lord” to the same extent that parents are able, youth pastors included. Yet, as any Christian parent will attest, this mandate is not an easy task. Our natural inclination, when feeling overwhelmed by such a responsibility, is to defer to the “faith specialists” in this area. It is certainly easier to let a faceless program disciple our children than to do it ourselves, even if that program does have a high failure rate. Too many parents feel they have neither authority or wisdom to offer their teenage children. Consequently, many Christian parents have come to believe that raising up their children to love Jesus simply means dropping them off at the various youth events the church offers, with hopes that these efforts alone will foster their spiritual growth.

But what does it look like to really disciple our kids, then? If age segregation and outsourcing to specialists isn’t the answer, what would a better option look like? I believe it starts with the church’s efforts to build into the family as a whole rather than the child as an individual. Its efforts to reach the younger generation must primarily be aimed at bringing the family together in a manner that bridges the generational gaps between its members. Above all, it attempts to make the family the highest priority within the church without the use of age segregation.

For instance, instead of a weekly service that is designed solely for adults, a more organic meeting is a great first step. Rather than avoiding our children in hopes they don’t distract us, children are free to contribute in an organic meeting, as families are able to share in the experience together. In all church endeavors, both Sunday morning meetings and beyond, this church would seek to provide shared experiences for all members of the family collectively.

Second, a new template for family ministry involves a family oriented approach to serving. This new paradigm attempts to divide church ministry into teams of families rather than teams of age demographics. Instead of separating serving projects according to age segments, the church’s serving events are separated into teams of families. This allows parents and children to share in the experience together, and allows parents to demonstrate to their children first-hand what the gospel looks like in action. Families are encouraged to pioneer their own methods of serving the community, in schools, in their neighborhoods, in parks, and on the streets. Youth ministry is not pre-programmed by religious specialists, but is engineered by families and children rising up to meet the challenge. This family oriented model of serving would foster the building of authentic gospel values within the family unit to a much greater extent than traditional models.

Thirdly, this view of family ministry would seek above all to protect and proclaim the value of family time together. The American family has so little time together today; why disrupt family time for the sake of church events? Rather than robbing families of their precious time together by replacing it with church programs, this new paradigm of family ministry recognizes the sanctity of family time. A truly family-based ministry approach must make family time a primary value of the church. This stands in stark contrast with a culture that values busyness over depth and honors production over intimacy.

This list is by no means exhaustive. Part of this new approach to family ministry recognizes the limitless possibilities in this pursuit, and empowers both parents and children to rise up and bridge the gap so prevalent in families today. Ultimately, the answers to these needs of our families will not be answered by youth ministry experts but by teams of father and daughter, mother and son. As relationships are built between parents and their children, and between the church and its children, our children’s long term spiritual growth will be positively affected. I believe that such a grass-roots, participatory approach to “bridging the spiritual gap” within families will produce fruit in our children’s lives as no age-segregated model is able to do.

In agreement with these concepts, Tracy Waal said this after 14 years of youth ministry: “Personal experience in youth ministry shows me that the #1 indicator of a teen’s spiritual longevity and commitment is the degree to which parents are involved in their kid’s spiritual development. The #2 indicator is the degree in which a teen connects with an older spiritual mentor outside the youth group.” A successful new paradigm for youth ministry must serve to make both of these relationships a reality.